Flowers

09.12.2014.

bol u grudima

kurate sam srece, nema sta
ljubav ostane, a ti ne zelis to

sjeb je ovo
jeb, jeb, jeb

kad znas sta hoces, a zavrsi se na tome da samo dramatizujes sve
da si drama queen

pitaju me: sto ne nadjes nekog naseg?
sto ce ti on?
nadji naseg momka, k'o sam normalan svijet...

haha..
fakat je smijesno.

ne mogu ja ovo sad.
boli.

09.12.2014.

you get no love!

Hoce li mi neko uciniti ogromnu uslugu i prosvijetliti me definicijom ljubavi?
Muskom definicijom ljubavi, koja se trenutno odrzava, jedva dahcuci, kilometrima udaljenosti?

Molim vas?
Neko?
Bilo ko?
Iko?
molim vas.

Ja ne kontam.
Znam sta je ljubav za mene.
Opcenito ljubav.
Znam sta sve spada pod ljubavlju.
Opcenito ljubavlju.
Znam po mojoj definiciji.
Ako grijesim, nek' mi neko kaze.
Ne kontam.

Moja ljubav je bajna i krasna.
Moja ljubav je uzasna i tuzna.
Moja ljubav je brizna i sentimentalna.
Moja ljubav je empaticna.
Moja ljubav je dodir, poljubac, zagrljaj.
Moja ljubav je ruka u ruci.
Moja ljubav je i u dobru i u zlu.
Moja ljubav je u osmjehu.
Moja ljubav je u podrsci.
Moja ljubav je u postovanju.
Moja ljubav je u usponima i u padovima.
Moja ljubav je konstantna.
dokle god je pustis da bude.

Ja moram biti tu.
Sta cu?
Moram, jednostavno.
Mislim, ne mora se nista.
Ali, kako se ono kaze, TAKVA SAM.

Moju ljubav ako imas, ne dobijes samo dio nje.
Dobijas sve.
Cijeli paket.
Moju brigu, moju podrsku, moju pouzdanost, moju iskrenost, moju lojalnost, moju zajedljivost, moju ironiju, moju histeriju, moju tugu, moju bol, moje poljubce, moje zagrljaje, moj stisak ruke, moju "lopovsku", moje suze...

Covjece, dobijas SVE.
Nema pola.
Nema dio.
Ili sve ili nista.

Ali zajebi, ja ocekujem isto od tebe.
ISTO.

Hocu sve i nista manje od toga.
Ne mogu protiv sebe.
Mogu ja probati, ali znam da nece uspjeti.

Jer ako ista u zivotu znam, znam voljeti, znam pruziti ljubav i zelim to nazad.

Jebiga.

Rekla Stoja jednom (Boze, oprosti mi xD): Kakva sam, takva sam.
AHAHAHA, predobro. xD

Ne znam fakat.
ne mislim da grijesim.









09.12.2014.

prije no pocnes seminarski, olaksaj dusu

i said i miss u... missin' u insane.


ne znam odakle poceti.

It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel, but I still need to!

So, here it is. I don't want us this way. I don't like it this way. I'm not happy this way.
I don't know what is that you want from me? What do you know about me? What are we doing?
What are we feeling? I don't know about you. I'll tell you about me.
I know what I want, what I feel. I want you. I really want you. Want you in my life, in my heart, in my dreams. I want you. I care about you. I think about you. Every day. Every hour. Every night before I go to sleep and every  morning I wake up. I don't want to play games, to play hot and cold, don't want to mess around, don't want to control my feelings towards you, but u r making me to do that. Because I refuse doing that I am writing you this.
Last few days, weeks, I really missed you. In every way. You changed. I don't get anything from you. I don't know how u've been, how u've felt, what have u done. I don't know a single thing. And u are supposed to be something to me. You are my boy. My friend. At least, u r supposed to be that.
We talk about future, about us loving each other, about missing each other, about us meeting each other again, and what r we doing right now? I thought that we will do our best to be close to each other no matter how far we are.  I thought that I'll still be someone that u will talk to about ur days and nights, about your problems, about ur feelings. I don't care what u think u r supposed to be. A guy not talking about himself? I don't want that, than. I just don't want it. You stopped talking to me. I don't need you just to tell me how much you miss me, or even to tell me that u love. It does mean a world to me when u do say it, but I want more. I want to be your friend first. I would rather agreed to be your friend than to be your lady. Cause this is not love for me. This is not my definition of love.
I am killing myself last few days because of you. Every time when I ask you something, you give me a short answer or ignore me. And that is okay. So I decided to leave you alone and to wait for you to start conversation when u want it and how you want it.
But I can't. All I am asking you now is to tell me what do you want. I need to know so I can know what do to next. If you want me to step aside and do nothing, just tell me. If u want me to go away from you, just tell me. All you need to do is to say: Amira, this is not it.
Those are your magic words. I won't say a word. I'll just shut down and that is it.
That way, u'll know u have no obligations towards me and I'll know the same. I won't wait for ur message, I won't wonder how u've been or what u r doing, or are u lonely. I'll be good. U'll be good. This way, I do have you but I don't.  That hurts. Knowing and telling everybody that I have you, my Donny, and I actually don't. I don't ask you to change for me, I am asking you to adapt. Okay, you are not that kind of man, but can you try to be? For me? Is it that hard to answer few questions I ask you every day. Is it hard to tell me: ou, hey, i am fine, i had a great day, or i hadn't, today i feel like shit, or i am just great, ou i have a game today, and hell yeah i like it here, or i don't.
I don't want it half way, Donny. If we are doing this, I want us to do it right. I want to get to know you. A real you. It is not enough for me to know ur favorite color, sport, and members of your family. I want to know all about you. If we don't want the same thing, let's just clear it up. I just can't stand this. Really. I spent days thinking that I am over-reacting and that this is just a phase and stuff like that, but with every single day you are showing me opposite. If this is the way it's going to be, let's just stop it.

Don’t let your loyalty become slavery. If they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone.
Don’t let your loyalty become slavery. If they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone.








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