-Hey, amira. :S
can u do me a favour?
- what is it about?
come. just come. now. our place. i'm waiting for u.
end of call.
I ja bih sjedila. Na nasoj klupi. Cekala. I cekala. Opet bi kasnio iako nemamo
dogovoreno vrijeme. Ipak, kasnio bi. Sjeo bi pored mene, gledao moje namrsteno lice.
Slozio bi neku umiljatu facu i izvinjavao se opet, opet i opet.
Sve dok mi ne izmami osmijeh na lice, jer zna da je tada sve uredu.
Na meniju standardna pitanja. Gdje si, sta si, kako si...
Mozda po koji zagrljaj, mozda poneki poljubac.
Ruka u ruci.
Oci u oci.
On i ja.
To bi bilo da su stvari onakve kakve se bile.
Moj poziv. Iste rijeci.
Sjedim. Cekam. Klupa, Rundo i ja.
Lisce. Jesen je. Nasa prva jesen, rekla bih.
Ne, ne. Pardon, nije nasa. Jesen je. Ali ne za nas.
Cupkam nonama, nervoza me hvata. Skoro 5 mjeseci nisam ugledala to lice.
Oci nam se nisu srele.
5 mjeseci. Mnogo je to kada bolje razmislim, zar ne?
Zvuk auta, parkira se. Okrenuta sam ledjima.
Lakse je tako.
Skripa vrata, otvaranje - zatvaranje.
Cujem korake koji koracaju po osusenom liscu.
Nervoza, adrenalin, strah, sreca.
Sve je blize i blize.
Ja ne znam sta radim tu.
Ne zna ni on.
Ja sam ga pozvala, ali sta sada da mu kazem?
Citav roman je bio u mojim mislima sve do ... tog trenutka.
Sve je nestalo. Rijeci se izgubile. Srce jace zakucalo.
Nemam rijeci. Ne zele da se uplicu u ovu borbu srca i razuma.
Ne zauzimaju stranu. Ne zna se koja je jaca.
Ovoga puta, srce je ovladalo.
Sada razum stupa na snagu.
Sta da ucinim?
Misli, mislii. Mozes ti to.
zatvaram oci, udisem duboko.
Ne dizem pogled.
Sjeda pored mene. Ne pomjeram se.
Moje tijelo odbija da me slusa.
Zasto? Zastooooo sada?
Ne radi mi to u ovom trenutku, molim te.
Haalo, srce, probudi se!
Ovo je tvoje maslo, sada se snosi s posljedicama.
Sta bih mu rekla?
Mnogo jebenih pitanja.
Puno, vise, previse.
: hej, dje si, sta si... bla, bla. da predjem na stvar, ovako stvari stoje :
I called u here cause i really need u to know what i have to say.
This is not going to make things any better or easier for us, but i need to say
it out loud.
Now or never.
Before I start, I just need to hug you.
Will u allowed me?
First of all, just don't say anything.
Let me tell u what I want, than do whatever you want.
After this, we can just go and live our lives like we never met each other.
I want to start with begining of our relationship.
I never wanted to be with you. I never needed you.
I never even thought that I'm gonna give us a chance.
I was perfectly ok on my own.
But, I DID started something with you.
Something that was amazing!
Something that I'll remember for the rest of my life.
Something that didn't last for too long, but it gave me so much to remember.
I know that I'm the one who ended this, but I still believe that this is the easier way.
I want you to know, that u r one of the best and nicest persone that I met.
You know how to love a person.
And I felt loved by you.
You gave me love.
You showed me and to yourself that u are CAPEBUL to love.
You made me happy. You really did.
I did my best not to fall in love with u, but that didn't work.
I guess I'm not that strong.
I did fell in love with you, and I ended up by loving u.
I don't regret it.
Not at all.
Lately I missed you like never before.
All our memories, came up to me.
And all what I could think about was what would I do if I see you somewhere.
And that would not be very nice.
I know, I'm sure that I wouldn't be able to controle myself.
I would wanted to hug you, to kiss you, to look at u eyes again, to see u smile.
I know myself. I'm so fucking fucked up.
That's what I am.
However, I don't want to fool myself or to fool u.
I didn't called you to give us a fake hope.
We won't get together again.
I really don't want more memories with you.
I don't want more feelings for u.
I have enough of them right now.
And trust me, I hate them so much.
I want them to disappear, but that's not gonna happen'.
So I decided to let them live.
I'm gonna leave them alone, I'm gonna let myself to keep loving u.
Cause, I think that what I feel now is something really close to love.
It's not a habbit.
We didn't even had a chance to get used on each other that much.
I swear, I really want u all the best that u can have on this world.
If anyone deserve it, it's u.
So, I know that u r happy and that makes me happy.
You have great friends, u have reason to smile.
So, just smile.
Once upon the time, I was sure about ur feelings.
I knew what u felt, but that's not like that anymore.
I don't know anything about u anymore.
You are a stranger to me again.
We started as strangers and we are closing our story becoming strangers again.
Trust me, I'm still the same girl u knew.
I haven't changed.
Maybe I made it look like that, but I'm not another person.
The same girl u fell in love with is here.
In front of you, not being able to look at you cause she is so frightended
what could she do if she only hear what her heart want her to hear.
I think that's all i had to say to u.
Later, I'm gonna remember milion other things I want u to know, but I think this is
it for now.
So .. have a nice life, my curly, crazy boy.
This is the moment when I'm walking out of it.