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i said i miss u... missin' u insane.

ne znam odakle poceti.

It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel, but I still need to!

So, here it is. I don't want us this way. I don't like it this way. I'm not happy this way.
I don't know what is that you want from me? What do you know about me? What are we doing?
What are we feeling? I don't know about you. I'll tell you about me.
I know what I want, what I feel. I want you. I really want you. Want you in my life, in my heart, in my dreams. I want you. I care about you. I think about you. Every day. Every hour. Every night before I go to sleep and every  morning I wake up. I don't want to play games, to play hot and cold, don't want to mess around, don't want to control my feelings towards you, but u r making me to do that. Because I refuse doing that I am writing you this.
Last few days, weeks, I really missed you. In every way. You changed. I don't get anything from you. I don't know how u've been, how u've felt, what have u done. I don't know a single thing. And u are supposed to be something to me. You are my boy. My friend. At least, u r supposed to be that.
We talk about future, about us loving each other, about missing each other, about us meeting each other again, and what r we doing right now? I thought that we will do our best to be close to each other no matter how far we are.  I thought that I'll still be someone that u will talk to about ur days and nights, about your problems, about ur feelings. I don't care what u think u r supposed to be. A guy not talking about himself? I don't want that, than. I just don't want it. You stopped talking to me. I don't need you just to tell me how much you miss me, or even to tell me that u love. It does mean a world to me when u do say it, but I want more. I want to be your friend first. I would rather agreed to be your friend than to be your lady. Cause this is not love for me. This is not my definition of love.
I am killing myself last few days because of you. Every time when I ask you something, you give me a short answer or ignore me. And that is okay. So I decided to leave you alone and to wait for you to start conversation when u want it and how you want it.
But I can't. All I am asking you now is to tell me what do you want. I need to know so I can know what do to next. If you want me to step aside and do nothing, just tell me. If u want me to go away from you, just tell me. All you need to do is to say: Amira, this is not it.
Those are your magic words. I won't say a word. I'll just shut down and that is it.
That way, u'll know u have no obligations towards me and I'll know the same. I won't wait for ur message, I won't wonder how u've been or what u r doing, or are u lonely. I'll be good. U'll be good. This way, I do have you but I don't.  That hurts. Knowing and telling everybody that I have you, my Donny, and I actually don't. I don't ask you to change for me, I am asking you to adapt. Okay, you are not that kind of man, but can you try to be? For me? Is it that hard to answer few questions I ask you every day. Is it hard to tell me: ou, hey, i am fine, i had a great day, or i hadn't, today i feel like shit, or i am just great, ou i have a game today, and hell yeah i like it here, or i don't.
I don't want it half way, Donny. If we are doing this, I want us to do it right. I want to get to know you. A real you. It is not enough for me to know ur favorite color, sport, and members of your family. I want to know all about you. If we don't want the same thing, let's just clear it up. I just can't stand this. Really. I spent days thinking that I am over-reacting and that this is just a phase and stuff like that, but with every single day you are showing me opposite. If this is the way it's going to be, let's just stop it.

09/12/2014 01:33